LI Marriage Counseling Center, Huntington, NY
From Dr. Kramer – Give me a call now at 631-553-1476 to make an appointment or email me at Marriage Counseling Long Island.
“Long Island Marriage Counseling – When Marriage Perceptions are Diametrically Opposite
Recently a couple came into the Long Island Marriage Counseling Center whose perceptions were diametrically opposed. They wanted to stay together for the sake of the child and learn to live with each other. They wanted to repair their relationship but only up to a point.
A few months before seeing me, their marriage went into crisis. He did something that caused her to go to a divorce lawyer and to get a petition of protection against her. He moved into the basement and moved the money into his account. They were in a state of war.
Before making divorce final, they came to marriage counseling for help. I believe I never saw two people so opposite in their perceptions. She saw him as lazy and indulgent, and not a responsible parent. He saw her as obsessive, focused on outward appearances and too responsible a parent. They hated each others’ mothers.
According to her, his mother was at the root of all their problems as his mother told him how to act. According to him, her mothers was at the root of all their marriage problems as his wife modeled all her patterns off of her mother’s poor values.
What to do? I saw them separately and they each held to their position that the other was wrong. I got each of them to say what three changes they wanted from the other. They actually each were able to change a bit for the other. While you might think that solved the marriage problem, it did not. They changed their behaviors but not their feelings and attitudes. Still there was an air of ‘I am right. You are wrong. I do not like you very much.’
While each of them was no longer paying as much attention to their mothers, and they were pleasing each other a bit more, nothing fundamental had changed. I asked them if they wanted to stay married even if they did not like each other or feel good about each other,
I am now waiting for their answers. If they want to explore their reluctance to change in order to like the other person, we will explore. If not, we will keep on working on the changes they want. It is a good idea to let the clients set the agenda!
From Dr. Kramer – Give me a call now at 631-553-1476 to make an appointment or email me at Marriage Counseling Long Island.
Warmly, Diane
Dr. Diane Kramer, Marrriage Counselor and Psychologist
Long Island Marriage Counseling Center at Huntington, NY
75 Prospect St., Suite 103
Huntington, NY 11743
631-553-1476