At the Long Island Marriage Counseling Center, couples come in to see us at various stages of the emotional Vicious Cycle. For some time, they have been fighting and/or withdrawing (mentally or physically) in a Cycle that seems to get worse and worse. Why is this happening?
Today’s marriages are not based on unconditional love. If they were, 50% of all marriages would not end in divorce. But at least 50% of marriages do end in divorce. Since marriage is mostly conditional, then it is up to both Spouses to learn to satisfy the reasonable interpersonal intimacy needs of each other.
These needs include such needs as affection, kindness, trust and respect, support, sex, quality time, reasonable boundaries and separate time, gifts, things done for each other, responsible division of tasks, and words of love and caring.
Everybody is different. We actually need to learn what our Spouses needs are. Once we learn them, we need to satisfy them. Not all, but some of these needs, enough of the time that our Spouses feel satisfied. We need to learn to feel good about such giving, and to make sure it is reciprocal, in terms of our own needs.
To make a good marriage, it takes dedicated listening and learning. Then marriages are satisfying to both Spouses. If you are interested in improving your marriage, call below at the Long Island Marriage Counseling Center. Set up an appointment now!
